Have you been told that your partner is not allowed at your birth due to CoVid19? Or perhaps there are other circumstances which mean your birth partner can’t be around during your birth? Or maybe you are choosing to go it alone?

Whether by choice or circumstance, preparing to give birth alone can feel daunting.  But it doesn’t have to be.

 

Let’s look at some ways you can prepare tor a positive experience when giving birth on your own.

1) Educate and empower yourself

 

Find out as much as you can about labour and birth. When you understand your options, and the pros and cons of each, you can feel more confident making the best decisions for yourelf and your baby. Attend childbirth education classes. Even with many hospitals stopping their antenatal classes due to CoVid19, it is still possible to find quality independant childbirth education classes, either being offered virtually (including Hypnobirthing Australia Positive Birth Program ) or online. 

You can also talk to your midwife or obstetrician if there is anything you’re particularly concerned about. They will answer any questions you have and explain what can be done to birth your baby safely in every possible scenario. 

2) Focus on creating a positive mindset

 

Your mindset matters. How you feel about your  pregnancy and birth can directly impact you during your birth.  Excessive worrying and stress can take it’s toll emotionally, physically and mentally.

It’s important to focus on the positive, even when the world seems to only want to talk about the negative and everyone wants to tell you a horror story.  When  you have a positive mindset, you are better able to focus on staying active, healthy and developing a relationship between you and your body.

Creating a positive mindset doesn’t mean ignoring any stresses that come up. It’s more about controlling how you react to these stressses. Find techniques that help you manage any stresses or negative thoughts that might come up. Exercise, movement, meditation, affirmations and journaling can all help.

Remember, birth is a normal physiological process – you were designed to do this.

 

 

 

4) Discuss your birth preferences with your caregivers before labour

 

 

It is important to discuss all your preference for birth with your obstetrician or midwife. And do so before labour.  If you are meeting your caregivers for the first time on the day of your labour, have your birth preferences on paper ready to hand over when you get to the hospital or birth centre.

If circumstances start to change during your labour and birth or your birth preferences aren’t being followed, you need to be able to advocate for yourself. And know it is ok to do so. And if your birth preferences aren’t being followed (in the absence of medical emergency) be polite in asking that they are followed. But only to a point. This is not a time to be a people pleaser!

If you find that you are needing to make a decision but you feel like you need a little bit more time to do so, say you need to do a wee and excuse yourself to the toilet. The toilet is a great place to hang out during labour. It creates a sense of privacy and safety, your body is in a position it already familiar with and is used to relaxing  in and people are less likely to follow you into the toilet!

 

5)  Practice tools and techniques that don’t rely on anybody else

 

Whether you are  wanting a drug-free birth or you are planning on using medication, it helps to have tools and techniques on hand that will help you remain calm and relaxed. And there are  plenty you can do on your own.

Affirmations.

Affirmations are simply talking to your self in a positive way. They can be phrases that you either say to yourself, or have them printed out so you can look at them or even have them recorded so you can listen to them. They can become your mantras – have them on repeat either in your head or out loud. And trust that the more you hear, see, speak, or feel them, they more they become your reality.

‘I am strong. I am doing this’

‘Everything I need I have within’

‘I look forward to the day I meet my beautiful baby’

‘I am calmly prepared to meet any journey my birthing takes’

 

Breathing

 

I say to every single mum-to-be I work with that if you remember no other tools and techniques for your labour and birth, always remember to breath. Why? Because it doesn’t matter where you are or who is with you, you can always come back to your breathing. It goes where you do. Take big, slow belly breaths – particularly if you are starting to feel anxious or worried. These deep belly breaths can help stop the ‘fight or flight’ response which can happen when we are scared. It  helps trigger your ‘rest and digest’ system and allows your body to come back to stasis or stability.

Start practicing breathing techniques during pregnancy so that when the time comes during labour, the long slow breaths almost come naturally rather than feeling forced or difficult. Focus on each inhalation and exhalation and with each exhalation, tell yourself ‘just let it go’.

 

Music

 

Music can be a great distraction or a great therapy. Play whatever music helps you feel good – there is no right or wrong here! Put a playlist together of music you know will help you relax and one that will help you lift your mood. Then feel free to play your music outloud (make sure to BYO speaker, just in case)  to help set the mood in the room. Or pop your earphones in, block everyone out and get into your zone.

Movement

Movement is soothing! Be upright and forward leaning. Use all the furniture and props you have available to you and move around that room.  Here are just some of a number of different ways to use movement;

– being on all fours

– kneeling on the bed, leaning on the back

– using a birthball (fit ball) to bounce, sway, do hip circles or lean on

– lean against a wall or bed and sway/rock your hips

– lying on your side to rest (rather than your back)

– sitting on the toilet

– walk or dance (like nobody is watching!)

 

Counter-pressure

A massage ball, spikey ball or even a tennis ball can be your best friend. Stand against a wall and place the ball between the wall and your glutes or your back and then lean into it with whatever pressure your need.  It’s also great being rolled under your foot.

There are also acupressure points you can do to yourself to help with everything from staying calm to induction of labour and posterior babies. To find out more about acupressure in labour, check out this great course by Dr. Kate Levett.

 

Self-hypnosis, relaxation or meditation techniques

These techinques all help you remain calm and relaxed, even during the most challenging times. In Hypnobirthing Australia we use self-hypnosis  to help you achieve that deep state of relaxation. Don’t worry, there’s no clucking like a chicken or swinging watches, it is simply about focussing on one thing to the distraction of others. What you focus on is up to you, perhaps it is your breathing, the music you are listening to, your baby or something completely different. What you focus on matters less than tuning out all the distractions.

So find something that works for you, (and you can find some great relaxation and self-hypnosis tracks here), and then practice, practice, practice.

 

 

6) Record relaxation tracks, affirmations, scripts

 

If you have affirmations or relaxation scripts that you love and you think you will want to use them during labour, but they are only on paper, why not record them yourself? There is something so incredibly powerful about hearing phrases like ‘I am strong, I am doing this’ or ‘I am a strong woman’ in your own voice.

Or if you did intend on having your partner at the birth but are now not able to, why not ask them to record the tracks or affirmations for you. That way they can be there ‘with you’ .

This can be done easily and quickly on your phone with no special equipment required.

 

7) Get photos or videos

 

If you did intend for your partner to be at your birth but circumstances have changed that, talk to the hospital/birth centre about the possiblity of ‘live streaming’ or at least having your partner on video call so you can talk to them and see their face.

Ask you midwife or obstetrician to take photos for you. It might not be the same as hiring a birth photographer, but the whole experience can feel like such a blur and so many of those little details can be forgotten. By asking for photos to be taken you can always go back and ‘re-live’ the experience. And even if you don’t think you want photos, take them anyway. You can always delete them after, or never look at them again, but you can’t have a ‘do-over’ for this birth.

 

 

 

Whether giving birth on your own is by design or by circumstance, remember these two things

1) You will never truely be on your own – you will have the support of yourcaregivers and you will always have your baby.

2) Everything you need to birth your baby, you have within. It may feel like you have to dig a little deeper than you were expecting to have to, but it is there.

 

You’ve got this mama!

 

 

Kate Vivian is a self-professed pregnancy and birth geek who is finally learning to embrace the chaos of having 3 kids. It was the birth and ‘bringing baby home’ experience of her first baby, and the overwhelming guilt that went with it, that led her to start Bright Mums – and create a world where Mums matter.

 A Certified Hypnobirthing Australia Practitioner, childbirth educator and postpartum doula, Kate works with Mums-to-be not only supporting them through pregnancy, and birth but also teaching them to honour themselves at a time when the world is telling them their baby is the most important thing.

With almost 2 decades in adult education, Kate has the ability to create a safe space, a non-judgey space. A place where Mums can relax and feel supported regardless of what their journey looks like. 

A keen traveller in a former (pre-kids) life, Kate dreams of the day her kids are big enough to take skiing and they can completely show her up while she is busy falling down mountains.

You can find out more about Kate or how Hypnobirthing Australia classes by clicking here