We live in a world where the village as we used to know it doesn’t exist, and the expectation seems to be that new mums to ‘just get on with it’. Yet these are the days when we need the support more than ever – when a baby is born, so is a mother. This is my story and why I wished I had a postpartum doula.
So when it came time to bring my first baby home, I thought ‘I’ve got this’. I had this incredibly naive idea that when I brought my baby home, my life would return to a similar version of what it was before. The only difference being I now had a baby. Plus, as I was on maternity leave, I had this, somewhat ridiculous, idea that I would have loads of time. Loads of time to do things for me.
How wrong I was. In a not-so-surprising twist, my life did not go back to the way it was.
Those first weeks at home
My first daughter was a non-sleeper and we had a hell of a time feeding. She had her days and nights confused, it was like we were living in some kind of twisted version of a Mr Men book. So we were living in 1.5 hour blocks. 1.5 hours trying to feed, change her nappy and then get her to sleep. Just for her to wake up 1.5 hours later (on a good day).
During the day she would sleep ever so slightly more. And everyone kept telling me that’s when I should have been sleeping. But I couldn’t. And I didn’t. The house wasn’t going to clean itself, dinner still needed cooking and I was still needing to move/exercise/get fresh air.
All of this was on top of trying to process a traumatic birth experience. One I didn’t feel I could/should talk about because I had a healthy baby. And because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who would listen because of that same healthy baby.
Bringing home baby number two
By the time my second baby came along, I was feeling much more confident in my parenting (well, most of the time).
And then we go home.
Again, blessed with another non-sleeper. only this time we would get about 45 minutes at a time. And I had a toddler at home. I could feel the work coming down fast.
And I was so tired. And felt like there was no support on those seemingly endless days at home with two. I tried to talk to my GP about it and got told ‘you’re just tired. Just sleep when your baby does’.
‘Just sleep when your baby sleeps’ – Do you know how friggin’ useless that advice is??
Do you know how friggin’ useless that advice is?? Great in theory but what about when your kids tag team you or by the time you finally do get baby to sleep you’re too wired to sleep yourself?
The importance of the village
What I needed was that village. For the village of old that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. For someone to hold space for me, my exhaustion and my overwhelm.
And I would have done anything for some help. Practical help, not just useless, albeit well-intentioned, advice.
Someone to hold baby so I could actually manage a shower or a cup of tea. Someone to tell me it was ok to stop. To take a break. To listen to my body and rest.
I would have given anything to have the kind of support a postpartum doula brings.
Yet I still didn’t ask. And the expectation was that I just get on with it.
By the time my third baby arrived, I finally started asking for help. I started to gather my village. And I’ve never felt more confident, capable and able to trust my own instincts and intuition. Because I felt supported.
Let me bring the village to you
As a postpartum doula, I bring the village to you. I’ll be that friend, sister, aunt who isn’t really your aunt, all rolled into one. Minus the judgement.
I’ll hold space for you, provide practical support and be there as you find your own way, feeling safe, supported and confident.
Let the village come to you.
To find out more about how I can support you as you transition into parenthood, click here.
A Certified Hypnobirthing Australia™ Practitioner, childbirth educator and postpartum doula, Kate works with Mums-to-be not only supporting them through pregnancy, and birth but also teaching them to honour themselves at a time when the world is telling them their baby is the most important thing.
With almost 2 decades in adult education, Kate has the ability to create a safe space, a non-judgey space. A place where Mums can relax and feel supported regardless of what their journey looks like.
A keen traveller in a former (pre-kids) life, Kate dreams of the day her kids are big enough to take skiing and they can completely show her up while she is busy falling down mountains.
Find out more about Kate here